Pinterest has kept me interested lately with some of their new categories, including their quotes, tattoos, and the already existing gardening boards. The gardening board has been around since the inception, but recently they have been putting more and more enjoyable things on it.
The board that has me most interested lately is the quotes board, with a few "quotes" from yesterday that really make the brain think:
"In life we do things. Some we wish we had never done. Some we wish we could replay a million times in our heads. But they all make us who we are, and in the end they shape every detail about us. If we were to reverse any of them we wouldn't be the person we are. So just live, make mistakes, have wonderful memories, but never ever second guess who you are, where you have been, and most importantly where it is you're going."
"A true relationship is someone who accepts your past, supports your present, loves you and encourages your future."
"I think that the only reason why people hold onto memories so tight for so long is because memories are the only things that don't change even when people do."
"You have to get hurt. That's how you learn. The strongest people out there - the ones who laugh the hardest with the genuine smile, those are the ones who have fought the hardest battles. Because they have decided that they're not going to let anything hold them down, they're showing the world who's the boss."
And lastly:
" 'I love you' means that I accept you for the person that you are and that I do not wish to change you into someone else. It means that I do not expect perfection from you - just as you do not expect it from me. It means that I will love you and stand by you even through the worst of times. It means loving you when you're in a bad mood or too tired to do the things I want to do. It means loving you when you're down - not just when you're fun to be with. 'I love you' means that I know your deepest secrets and do not judge you for them - asking in return only that you do not judge me for mine. It means that I care enough to fight for what we have and that I love enough not to let go. It means thinking of you, dreaming of you, wanting and needing you constantly, and hoping that you feel the same way for me."
The last line of the last quote is what has been happening to me. I'm not supposed to fall or love right now. I'm supposed to be mourning the loss of my marriage. A marriage I thought was going to last a lifetime. A marriage to my best friend.
My marriage basically was a sham from the beginning. How do you fall out of love with someone before you get married, and then turn around and get married to them? It still baffles me that this has happened and is happening to me. I still have my good days and bad days, but when I look back at the last 5 years of my life, I feel like I wasted valuable time on a scam artist.
I love you. I told you that last week in the letter. I'm too scared to say anything to you right now. I saw you on Friday... You cancelled our plans on Monday (which obviously I misinterpreted) and Wednesday.
I needed you the other night when I went to the emergency room because I was sick. I didn't need my husband, but he was the only one of you 2 who actually seemed like he cared I was sick. That's not how it should have been.
I wanted and needed you there.
I want and need you now.
I'm at a crossroads right now. I want to do everything I can to keep you to myself and to continue dating you, but sometimes you make it so difficult. You go MIA in texting and MIA for cancelling and making plans. My heart aches every time you do this. I don't know what to do anymore...
I want nothing more to be the 2nd quote, but you make my head spin sometimes. Sometimes I just want to message you all day long... And sometimes I don't want to do anything because I don't want to seem wanty, needy, or whiny. And I don't want you to see how much all of this hurts me.
Believe me: It hurts. Sometimes A LOT.
I thought we got all of this out in the open last week and we're better, but I don't know what is going on from day to day.
Please just answer me.
~A~
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