If You Asked Me...

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I'm really ready for school to be over with... I've contemplated taking a semester off to basically just re-group, but am really scared that if I do that, then I won't go back to school. So, I'm not doing it.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I'm still adjusting to being home and that life still feels out of sorts. I still have my good days and my bad days, and lately the good days are out-weighing the bad, but nevertheless, I still have them.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I'm ready to get back into running, though I'm still apprehensive about it. With work and school right now, finding the time to sleep, run and accomplish everything else is extremely challenging. I'll figure it out, but it's going to take some time.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I'm looking forward to the end of the summer and the heat. This year seems so much worse than previous years, and it's taking a toll on everyone. I'm ready for cooler weather.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that school is stressing me out because I'm scared I'm going to run out of money before I'm even done with classes. Which, won't surprise me, but now I'm seriously asking myself why I didn't just buy a house.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that finances are tough right now. But I'm still trying to play catch up from having to move and everything associated with that. I know it's been almost 3 months, but I'm also still trying to figure everything out.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that my friends are the most amazing people in the world. After moving back, they opened their arms and hearts to someone who left 6 years ago. I'm thankful for their every waking moments.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I never saw myself back home, in the town that I grew up in. I was afraid of leaving at first, but made the best choice of my life to leave. It's unfortunate the circumstances that brought me back, but at this point, I wouldn't change anything. I just have to keep moving forward.

Keep moving forward.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I'm falling for you. I fell for you 6 years ago, but we were both young and naive. I fell for your strong hands, amazing heart, baby blue eyes, and the person that I saw deep down inside of you. I'm falling for you all over again, or maybe I never lost the feelings, but just tucked them deep down inside because I thought that I had lost you. A feeling that I don't want to ever experience again. A feeling that I have to try to avoid, and am working diligently on not experiencing again.

If you asked me, I'd tell you that you have made this transition in my life a lot easier. You've been there for me when I needed to talk, have given me advice, and have told me not to dwell on the past, but to live in the here and now. You have showed me that anything can be overcome, especially all that you have gone through. If you can make it out alive, then I can too. Many people have it a lot worse than me, including you, and that I should be grateful for the position that I'm in....

If you asked me, I'd tell you that I love you.

~A~