Something flew across my Facebook feed this morning, and I feel compelled to share this article.
My marriage ended when my husband cheated on me - with my best friend (at the time). He said he "fell out of love with me" before we got married, but thought that things would change, and proceeded to marry me, anyways.
With the recent news about the Ashley Madison information leak, I will share this little piece of information - My husband after we separated, created an account, as did I. It was on that site that I contacted him (because his user name and password were sent to an email address that I was privy enough to have the password too) and I set up a profile with a fake name, a fake email address, and information. It was here that I contacted him and paralleled "my life" to "our relationship" by only changing a few small things.
After talking to him for a day or so, I gave him a fake email address to contact me through, where in the span of 2 weeks, over 400 emails were sent back and forth. He sent pictures, as did I of myself (without the face and carefully taking pics around my VERY obvious tattoos). It was through these emails that my husband gave me all the details of not only the first affair, but the second one he had. I was devastated. The night before I left Miami and my husband, I put the emails and pictures in an envelope, and literally caught him with his pants down. He claims he was trapped. I claimed that I was smarter than a 5th grader.
He's still with the girl he had the second affair with.
My relationship with Aaron ended with him cheating on me - for AT LEAST 6 months last year. I found the pictures and videos (yes, videos) on his computer to prove it. And when confronted with it, he tried to deny everything, until I sent him one of the videos and he was caught. Red. Handed. He claimed it was an "urge." Funny, it was with a co-worker, who I later learned "was his best friend," whom he never spoke about in the 2 years we dated.
He's now living with and dating the girl he cheated on me with.
I guess the moral of this story, is the article that flew through my feed.
It's quite lengthy, and I'll paste it below, but I'll also post the link to the website at the bottom of the post. The article sums up everything that I went through in my fury of leaving both relationships. I wish I had seen this sooner.
Dear Mistress,
I have something to say to you.
Don’t worry, this will be brief.
I really didn’t think we’d hear from you again. I was under the impression that you were gone forever. I thought we had dismantled your body and dissolved the remains. Yet, judging by the sight of your tear stains and the lingering stench of low self-worth, that is not the case.
You’ve somehow crawled your way out of that dark, abandoned hovel where we banished your memory.
You must have been waiting for the perfect moment to reappear.
When everything seemed to be so promising and so pleasant.
When life was flowing effortlessly in our favored direction.
When we felt free to inhale and exhale with only the sweetest of breaths.
Well, I can’t say that it’s good to see you again.
But, perhaps it is.
Because now I can finally tell you what I really think of you.
Now I have an opportunity to put you in your rightful place.
You see, mistress, this is not your place.
You don’t belong here.
You don’t belong in this void in which you have wedged yourself, somewhere between approval and rejection.
You don’t belong in the pause, the haze, the in-between.
You don’t belong in the maybe, the I’m not sure, the until something better comes along.
I know it may seem like this is home. But this is not your home.
You’ve just gotten used to these paper-thin prison walls.
I know you.
I know that you willingly give your love to those who can only toss it aside. Because you are terrified of what would happen if someone actually loved you back.
I know you only get involved with men who treat you like a pitstop on their way to greater destination.
I know you blame them. But they are not culprits, monsters, or the evil manipulators you may want them to be.
You are the only one responsible for putting yourself here. You are the only one to blame.
You are not a victim to anything except your lack of self-consideration.
Life will give you more of what you give to it.
If you show disregard for that heart that beats through you and as you, life will only bring you those people who will do the same.
Because while you may pretend that everything is okay as it is, while you may project a false air of self-reliant indifference, while you may act as if you don’t care for the ones that share your bed,
I know that you are lying.
I know that you want more than what you’ve been getting.
I know that you want something genuine, something reciprocal, something real.
I know that you want to feel loved as I am loved.
It might be scary to ask for it, but I know you want it.
And now I need to tell you, since you clearly don’t believe it:
Mistress, you are lovable and you are loved.
You are no one’s second choice.
You are no one’s back up plan.
You are no one’s side gig, part-time hole, some time hearth.
You are not a convenient object of use.
You are not a casual hobby or a passing fad.
You are not a receptacle for emotions, worries or bodily fluids.
You are someone to be admired.
You are someone to be adored.
You are someone to be sure about.
All of you is desirable.
Mistress, all of you is lovable and all of you is loved.
You do not have to settle for bits of fickle attention.
You do not have to hold onto scraps of false affection.
You are deserving of an entire feast of love.
Sweet talk will coat your ears and rot your heart.
Promises mean nothing when not intended to be kept.
You can learn the difference between authentic and illusory.
You can learn to trust your instinct.
You will never again have to feel used.
You will never again have to feel needy.
You will never again have to coerce, pressure, or force someone’s commitment.
Because mistress, you are lovable and you are loved.
You are always loved by the infinite presence that created you.
Call it God, call it the Universe, call it whatever you will.
Life created you just as you are.
And it loves you just as you are.
You can feel this love whenever you want to.
It is always present and it is always yours.
You are connected to all of life.
When you have love for yourself, you have love for all of life.
And when you love all of life, it will love you right back.
In a way you always hoped you’d be loved.
In a way you never before have allowed yourself to be.
Remember and live this truth.
Life will always match you at the level of your truth.
And at some point, life will bring you another person who values you as much as you value yourself.
When you truly feel this—when you trust this like you trust your pulse—then you will find yourself in the position in which I stand
Contrary to what you may have thought, I don’t hate you. In fact, it is quite the opposite.
I only hold the highest of hopes and intentions for you.
Because I was you and I am you.
Because I love you and I love us.
With immense respect and an infinity of gratitude,
~ Wife
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2015/08/a-letter-to-the-mistress-from-the-wife/
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