Life Without You....

What took you so long to get here?

It has been only a few months since I last saw your eyes, but it feels like it's been a lifetime.

When I see you again, will you look different? Will I look different? Or will be go back to our eternal stage of love?

Will you feel the same? Or will be be total strangers?

Since you've been gone, I've been an emotional wreck, sometimes lashing out and crying hysterically. Sometimes I've managed to keep it together, and act as normal as possible.

Our love was so short lived, but so delicate. I've felt that way before, but with you, there was something different. It's something that I want to feel again, but don't know if it's possible just yet.

For so many different reasons, some of which I still can't explain, I feel that you were put in my life at a delicate point, a point where I needed to open my eyes and realize what was going on in my life. There is a wave of sadness that washes over me when I think of you, and when I think of what your family has gone through and continues to go through.

I'm worried that I will never find love again. That I will never know what it's like to be loved and to feel happy again. I don't know if it's all necessary because of how you came into and left my life, but I think that it's a culmination of everything that has happened over the past 8 years of my life. I have been through so much, and no one seems to understand, nor do they want to take the time to figure out what I'm going through.

I just wish that someone would understand, or take the time to ask me how I'm doing or what I'm planning on doing with my life.

Everything right now is just a big blur of emotions and actions. I think that I just need to run away from the situation, though it's probably not the best, but I think it would be for the best in the end. There might be someone coming with me.... If the job is there and if it is something that is feasible, then I am going to jump at the chance to get out for a while. Maybe I just go down for a year... Maybe I make it where I settle for a few years. I'm not sure.

One thing that I know for sure is that I miss you with every breath that I take. Every thought that I make. Everything that I do...

I just wish you would let me know that you are OK. Come back to me. I wait for you every night in my dreams. I wait for that moment to touch you, kiss you, hug you... Even if it's in a dream. I long for it. I long for you to come back, or give me a sign to know that you're around me. I just wish you could be here with me. Hold me at night. Hold my hand. Kiss me. I miss everything about you, even if our lives were so short lived together.

Lane, sweet Lane... You are my hero. My love. I will never forget you.

~A~